It wasn´t really mine.
I begin with saying this because it isn´t obvious to most people. People tend to believe that someone can awaken, but the awakening isn´t even happening to the “what is”.
There is knowing on a conceptual level. Seeing doesnt need that.
There is seeing, which is not intelligent in the sense we usually think of intelligence. Its unlimited and sees only the truest image of the ungraspable. But it doesn´t label or judge or even feel.
There is “what is” which is everything (and nothing) in universe (in what is).
There is mind. (You as you believe yourself to be)
There is knowing (which is stupidity), often referred to as “Intelligence”.
So, my awakening didnt happen to me as the mind. The mind lost the battle and can take no credit even if the mind would like nothing more.
It didnt happen to the ever present “what is”.
It didnt happen to the intelligence which is nothing but an insufficiently working computer, with the same powers as a calculator.
Did it happen to the seeing then?
Well, the seeing was wordlessly trapped in the hands of the mind. Seeing saw through the lies of the mind and the lame arguments founded on evidence relating to other evidence in all eternity – this provided by the calculator – the intelligence.
The seeing didnt suffer and didnt interfere.
Then Mind got too clever and self-destructed.
Mind saw that it could not change what other people thought – in personally important matters. It was impossible.
Mind had to realize that every mind was relative to that particular minds experiences and that all minds was entitled to their own perception. There were no substance in mind. No truth. Nothing. Just a bundle of stories that carried each other.
So mind gave up and said, ok, I understand, Its ok with me.
Mind surrendered. It was defeated and didnt even realize the magnitude of this event.
Seeing was freed.
Seeing had no empathy for or, affection towards anything, so judgement, feelings, anger exclusive love, depression, resentment, laziness, procrastination, urge, desire, memory, dreams and thoughts… had to go. It fell away. It burned in a fire that lasted for 50 days and 50 nights.
Fear of death burned. All fears burned.
During this period there were no difference between being awake or asleep. Lucid dreaming of nothingness that looked like an absence of all one could never ever imagine accompanied by the soundless sound that lay as a unhearable tone over all that wasnt there. And this was something. It was real. Nothing the former “me” had ever seen was ever so totally clear or real.
Pure bliss for 50 days. Every concept were brought into daylight and looked upon once again. And then… nothing.
The concepts never returned.
Mind never returned.
Memory or stories was gone.
Will, striving, desire or dreams was gone and still are.
I can not get angry anymore.
I have no friends. But I see everyone equally. I allow them fully to be. The meaning of this allowing can not be overestimated. It may sound futile but is more profound then love. Many call it love, I call it allowing.
People walk through my body in a remote distance and the effect is visible but hard to describe. What happens nowadays is that created stuff in vanishing through the non reacting space that we may call “me”. I am not but that is rare.
I have seen that I can not give this to anyone.
I have also seen that there is no meaning, that needs anyone to believe in it.
When I saw clearly the dysfunction in the human mind, It was easy believe that this easily could and should change.
Its ok as it is. It shouldnt be any other way.
People are not good or kind. Quite the opposite if there were such. The finest of people think only of them self.
All I know think only of them selves without even a short pause.
Everyone I ever met.
Thats the way it should be. Thats ok.
But the beeings hold hostage and dwelling inside them are pure and beautiful.
It is to them I am adressing this message:
You are not your mind!
You are what you are. Without your thoughts. And only this.
To the mind I want to say:
You are such a good fighter. You never loose. You never give up. I know things are tough sometimes but still you never give up. You can acchieve everything. You can probably acchieve enlightenment and become a new prophet. You fight for your family and for your friends. You can do everything!
Everything you can accomplish.
Everything except this:
“You can never surrender” That you can not do. You are inadequate, and insufficient. A mind with limits. A limited mind.
You can never win, you can never do this, you can never give up.
You are not made to do that you know.
Well… are you? Can you?
Can you give up, if only for a second.
For a second let go of yourself?
Or are you afraid you will vanish?
So ask yourself this question:
by what is the perceiver of all things percieved. Who sees the one who sees. Look inside…