Tell Me why you want this. (to bee free, liberated, enlightened)
2 reasons if i am honest with myself :
1) I guess would be related to insecurity – mainly financial. Not that I am not secure at the moment, but would it remain forever ? That fear is there. And does enlightenment give this security ?. “NO” – from what I have understood so far. But if “liberation”/ Enlightenment gives you the Right prespective, removes the FEAR, then why cling to “one insecurity” or the “other” and thus get caught in this circle of insecurities ( DEATH being another!) – why not live FREELY and be happy in whatever circumstances.
This reason I have mentioned, because I don’t know if I were to be gauranteed a financial security would I still be after “liberation”. I don’t know. But I do know that I am fairly secure at the moment (house,parents,kids,money etc) everything is going fine, and yet there is a feeling of something missing….
2) that all the non-duality stuff I have been reading ( for about a decade now),for example the one written by you(or an apparant you), it seems so TRUE to me – and that too without any logic. It just seems to be right. But then doesn’t matter how much you read or how much you meditate, ultimately “ones own TRUTH” is alone that would “liberate one” and that can only come when THAT TRUTH dawns on the so called individual.
Intellactually i seem to know the answers for most of the questions but again as mentioned it doesn’t help and it is better to ‘Shut up’ than to preach somebody your theory(which only seems TRUE to you without the Actual Experience to back it up).
So What do I have to validate the things people (like you) have been trying hard to drill home the point. Will it always remain a theory to people (like me), it is not possible for THAT GRACE to fall upon me as well …..
An additional question. How desperate are you?
Do yo want to add confidece to your self, or do you want to loose your pain at any cost? To the cost of loosing your self? Please answer this here and now.
I TRUELY want IT …whatever we mean by “IT” and don’t mind at all if the DROP is to loose its identity and be ONE with the OCEAN.
How Desperate ? I don’t know, I have my fears no doubt. But at the same time this ‘i’ is prepared to be ‘zero’. As i mentioned, being fairly secure ‘materially’ I might not be as Desperate as you were (unfortunately), but then I am prepared to just finish off ‘this’ identity. Atleast this is what intellectual understanding has given me.
As for confidence, I am fairly confident and ( if this may not sound egoistic), it seems I do happen to radiate Laughter,confidence and joy in whichever company placed. But deep down I want to know ‘This Mystery’ be a part of it – knowingly.
If I want to loose my pain at any cost ? well,honestly, the regular pain/fears associated with ‘Samsara’, I take it in my stride and change my outlook towards them. Not that they don’t hurt, but by changing my attitude towards these the pain is felt less or for less period.So just wanted to highlight that I am not in “that pain” at the moment, BUT I DON’T WANT to be IN PAIN in order to TURN TOWARDS HER/Intelligence/Energy/GOD whatever. I WANT HER before ‘THE PAIN” pushes me to SEEK HER.
I MISS HER AND FEEL INCOMPLETE !!
To the cost of Loosing myself – Absolutely yes !
So, no great fears or traumas then? In what Way Do you grek incomplete. And why ( do you think) haven’t you been able to drop yourself allready. What is the reoccurring hindrence?
Fears – yes, many of them. The chief among them financial long term security and that too for children- I myself don’t have many wants or desires. I fear that what would happen to them if I would loose job. Fear, that my parents should possess Good health till there last breath – they should not be dependent physically in this old age. Fear of loosing them.
I have no idea what is the hindrence, despite I not being too ambitious, don’t consider myself to be creative, being very satisfied with whatever nature has provided me so far and am very very grateful to HER , because I as a personality am not worth for what has been provided. I remain Grateful.
But I also want this veil of ignorance to go, just want to be One with THAT – whatever it means !
(yesterday, I read one of your posts, and I could feel the intense pain in the heart – as if it had taken away my heart. I did comment on that, but don’t remember which one it was)
Here is what you tell your self through me:
Ajay… 🙂 You want this for the right reasons. It is a joy to read your wordings. There is a foundation in you that is very trustworthy.
I will begin by telling you (me) that many people interpret my written reactions as hard or unkind. I am not polite. I am not humble. I tell the truth as good as I can through words, and sometimes it hurts. Those who lies, who is not or honest or does not know but pretend, them we feel gratitude towards. I dont exist as anything else than a mirror, and have no interests at all as I know of. So I am not interested in gratitude. If you met the body whom in which this mirror resides, then you would be calm, then you would see noone with an agenda and no one wanting anything. I am quite handsome as well LOL.
So, if you feel threatened by my words, listen to that voice, and inquire what it means. Maybe it is correct. I say this to tell you now, once and for all that the responsibility is yours.
This is important.
We search for answers, for peace of mind, and think we will find it outside. That someone is going to give it to us.
You have to look inside. The intuition is a helpful tool to make decisions without using your mind. So… trust your gut. Dont put your gut feeling on a test over and over. Doing that may give you lots of experiences, just in order to let you see clearly that your gut feeling knows better than “You”.
Intuition is part of “what is”.
I went for a trip today and driving across Sweden for eight hours, from east to west. Doing that I saw this:
You say you want to be complete…
That you say.
I have to tell you, you are already complete.
So, why cant yo see this?
Well, its not strange at all.
Getting enlightened is the easiest thing in the world. It is not a mystery. It is reality. Totally possible for everyone.
The place and the time to get enlightened is always here and now. So now, or now, or now… But never tomorrow.
“He who search will find” jesus said. Well If you dont find it immediately, after start searching, is because of doubt and love and fear.
You believe that it is possible to be free, but belief requires some doubt (does it not!?)
So there is doubt/belief.
This doubt/belief wants you to get enlightened tomorrow. But there is no tomorrow. Tomorrow is just a concept, an idea. Also tomorrow is always an image, and a replica of the past.
By putting our attention on a limited part of the past, we create an image in the Present, which shapes our image of tomorrow. So in the now, we create history and future. This future is always related to the past. So if you were anxious for money or not enlightend in the past – you will be it tomorrow as well.
Also, this future (which is just an image) works as an insurance. You dont have to deal with it today. The same way as trust in help works. If you need anyone for you to feel good, then you make your self vulnerable. But you are not vulnerable. Nothing can actually hurt you if you dont let it. You are hurting your self. But ego… ego can not live without fear…. so ego wants you to be afraid. If you feel safe, ego will try to make you scared.
This sounds like a fairy tail, I know, but you will soon see this for your self. The ego is an entity. It is like artificial intelligence, and it has taken your true self hostage. (wow, I know it sounds… too extreme, but that is the case)
Do this for me: ask your self this question (that will follow) and then just shut your eyes for ten seconds without reading further.
“What is the meaning of life?”
(dont read further)
When doing this, you probably dont get an answer immediately. The gap, until your mind starts making noice… this is your true consciousness. Not knowing… And it feels good 🙂
All problems and fears comes out of a false assumption. Made up by the mind.
So… the mind believes in itself and wants to find an answer to the false assumptions. These answers never lasts. They need correction. Over and over.
The truth is that the problems were never there. So, all solutions to the problems just reinforce the belief in the problems – until you loose track of the first question. That is how we start believing we exist, at an early age (my son…. I saw when it happened… he was six months)
You tell me about your fears… they are based upon illusions.
Thsi may sound hard, and I dont want you to accept it. You should inquire by yourself, but this is how it is:
You are afraid of financial problems. That will affect your children and parents in a negative way you say.
But, those who have ears better listen, as jesus said 🙂 … but… You dont know that.
You dont know it will affect your children or parents in a negative way. We know nothing about what will come.
Are you sure about this conclusions of yours? If not… then they are just mental images made up by your mind (that is not really you).
If I have a mortal decease, which I do, can you be sure I will die before you? No… You may get run over by a car tomorrow. So, why should you pity me? Only if you have a mental image of yourself living on for ever, or until the median age of 80, then you will pity me.
This is insane and have nothing to do with “what is”.
Our children is not ours. They will not love us for ever. Not in the same way. Or may not. And that is also ok. They dont have to. Everything passes. That is for certain. That is all we ever know. Nothing lasts.
So… when we know that, we truly appreciate the moment. Every moment.
Death is not a few steps away. It is like rain on our skin, it is closer than that.
But since we are actually one with everything, that is nothing to fear. It is reality.
What is fear? Fear is based upon fear of LOSS.
Without fear of loss we will never be afraid.
I you were about to diem MAYBE you would fear loosing your body, the time you invested in your life in form of studies and hard work. It has to pay off, we may think.
But we are not the body. Cut of a finger and you will see. YOU are still there.
If I never get to see my son again, if I loose custody for ever. Is this a bad thing? Who knows? I may e the best thing for him. We assume things, but never know.
If I loose ny home and my job also?
Well. Lots of people live in poverty. They may be happier and more sane than me. It is not about wealth.
It is about being alive. About seeing “what is”.
And appreciating it.
Fear makes us project into the future (or the past) and we are never really hear.
“Dont be afraid” jesus said.
I couldnt agree moore.
Here is my advice for today to you.
Take a walk.
When you feel your feet meeting the ground… then fully realise that this ground is the actual universe. Feel it.
You are walking on the universe.
It may be the center. I may be in the periphery. There is no beginning and no end so that is not important,
Accept that you dont really know anything.
Accept that you cant change anything.
See that your agenda is just one of countless agendas. Not the absolute. The absolute begins with your sight, of what is.
This is all we can ever do.
We can know, in a way… know or see… know-see… that all we can know is this.
We can see – that which is. Wihout concept, judgement or words attached to it.
You are walking on it. And all you see is part of it.
Actually, everyone you see, is the universe, experiencing itself (you in this case) through the eyes of another living thing.
There is no end to the beauty of this.
Also ask yourself, who percieves the one inside you that sees this.
That – is God.
If you see this – dont doubt it. It can only happen Now, and it is soo easy.
Then just do this: dont believe your next thought. Forever… As a life long meditation, or at least for one day, or one hour. 🙂 Dont – believe – your next – thought. Any thought. No thought, good or bad.
I am sorry if this got very long. And I am aware of the shortcomings of my language skills since my native thounge is Swedish.
I want to thank you for having the faith and courage to ask for my advice. But – and this is not a play with words – you are doing the talking, through me.
Write back and tell me in a week or so how you are doing.