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I will list some of the most common misunderstandings about the nature of things, and if you want me to I can explain why it is so. Here are a few assumptions I frequently encounter – assumptions that Is NOT true, often the reality is quite the opposite, but how that can be the case needs to be explained to most people: The faulty assumptions are listed below;
- Love is the goal (to strive for, to find)
- There must be a purpose with enlightenment/liberation
- There must be a way to use liberation and the insights from it, to do good.
- Not to use these insights is egoistic.
- Bliss is the natural state after enlightenment.
- Enlightened people are humble. Humbleness is a virtue in all situations.
- A critical attitude towards the sayings of others is a sign of ego.
- A good thing is to create a loving community, in which we let love and humbleness flourish. This can not be bad.
- You have to pay attention to your ego, even after enlightenment.
- Creativity is good.
- After enlightenment we can reach and fulfill our dreams.
- We all have dreams.
- We all have needs.
- We all have fears.
- After enlightenment you still feel fear, anger, sorrow, melancholia, restlessness, loneliness etc.
- Moral will increase after enlightenment.
- Enlightenment is the goal.
- Enlightenment is the beginning of a journey.
- Enlightenment will make you happy.
- You will be reborn with the possibility to remember this life.
- Death is something to fear.
- Death is just a few steps away.
- It is impossible to love everyone equally.
- You have friends that you love more then others even after enlightenment.
- You have memory after enlightenment.
- You have lust after enlightenment.
- You have a will after enlightenment.
- You say things after enlightenment.
- You have an opinion after enlightenment.
- You can change things after enlightenment.
- It is an illusion, that there are illusions, it is important to see that the illusions are also true.
- You have to meditate to be liberated.
- You have to meditate.
- You are your body.
- You are the “I am”
- Pain can not be transcended, it is part of the nervous system.
- Mental illness can not be transcended.
- Addictions can not be transcended.
- You will still have some prejudice after enlightenment
- There are answers and questions
- There are right and wrong
- You exist
- There is a God
- There is no God
- Man is evil in his nature
- There is something such as evil
- You can never experience being one with all
- Living life is the most important thing
- Being happy is important
- There is no way a total transcendation can happen
- Belief is something good
- Belief in god is the same thing as faith.
- Someone else can help you to get liberated.
- You can get liberated.
- After liberation your consciousness will vanish, and all there is will vanish.
- Its harder for bad people to get liberated than for good people.
- Mystical experiences are important.
- You will not have superpowers after enlightenment.
- You will have all the superpowers of Buddha after enlightenment.
- You have to make a living.
- You have to go to work.
- You have to – anything.
- Being kind is good in every situation.
- Human beings is the only animal that can be enlightened.
- Following religion will take you to heaven.
- God is apart from us.
So to be clear about it: these statements is NOT TRUE.
I would gladly explain how that is the case if someone finds interest in it.
/Avaloki
I must come across as total nutcase since no one is taking these statements serously enough to even comment on them.
But I mean it, and appreciate a good discussion. Really, no questions on this? Total consensus?
On the other hand, what do I know
You said that both God exists and doesn’t exist. How can both of those be true?
Hi John, thanks for taking these matters seriously enough to adress these statements.
I guess It is just as simple that you see clearly that God does not exist as the image most people have as an entity.
There is no entity-god of which anyone can have an image.
There are no entitys. No subjects apart from one.
The only subject is “what is” and you are that. We all are. We are one entity. We can see the shoulder of God. We can see all there is. No more.
So there is actually God. We see that clearly now. It’s not magic. It’s simply true.
It is such a comfort to know what we are.
We are That.
God has no limits. God is eternal.
The word God is just a concept.
There is no such god as the word describes.
“I am the I am” is bigger than that.
No word apply to “I am the I am”.
Hi, i do not know how i came across to your page, but i like it and i would have comment (the point listed here about “i dont need to work”. I am searching and getting more obsessed with getting back to peace in myself, but i am getting just more and more lost and i dont know what i do, what i want in life, i am passive. I am alone with my child (19 months) for a month, i left my husband after a long time period, and i see my so called “problem” is not solved. I took Filip with myself, as the best solution, but he is suffering my stupidities (i get angry if he is not sleeping enough, eating, not always, but sometimes). I have a work, i am not motivated to do it, sometimes its painful even to complete the simpliest task, i have taken a new course to prequalify myself, as i am about to find what would i rather work/do. I am afraid to give up this work because of material things (flat rental, babysitter or childcare), sometimes i have the idea i would move to another country, sometimes i feel sorry for my husband, because i left him and i am separating him from our son,and often i feel threatened as he does not want to let me go, but i moved close to his flat so he can visit our son. I feel ashamed when i leave Filip with him, because i want to have some free time, i can hardly wait the weekends. etc etc..i am boring to myself explaining what i see as “problems” and i dont know how to relax and enjoy life.
I will answer today or tomorrow
Hi Gabi, are you still there or got tired of waiting for an answer? My excuse for the delay is that I actually wrote a long answer but it got lost when I did send it from my phone. :-/
… I can see honesty in your letter. Honesty is by definition “true strength” and this is what makes me believe you can ride throuh these so called problems.
Well
I am not a therapist, so you should not trust my advice blindfolded, but continue to be responsible for your own actions an your own well beeing.
Nevertheless, I too have a child, and when the mother of the child and me went separate ways, It was a hard time.
I blamed her and everyone, and life itself for my suffering.
I found people and situations to project my hatred on. Mostly I projected it on my self though.
I didn’t know, or understand, that I couldn’t change other people’s opinions and minds.
I didn’t understand that my suffering came out of belief in my own thoughts.
My mind told me stories like “everything is going straight to hell” or “I am going to loose my son”. Etc.
I believed these fictive stories that my mind made up.
By doing so, I created my own misery.
Thoughts about future is always just thoughts. Just stories. Possible scenarios, sure, but future Never, ever, turns out the way we think.
Now I am always happy. I live in the now. I newer believe my thoughts. Not one single thought…
I am homeless, unemployed, and enjoying every moment.
I will write more tomorrow. Please tell meabout the problems you but belief in.
With love.
You will Stan tall through this storm.
Surrender and acceptance is the key.
Dare to see clearly all of your fears, and ask then, if you are sure about the predictions you make about future.
Never ever feel ashamed. That is a trick mind plays on us…
Give up. See what is. Wordlessly see everything. And smile.
Hi, i gotta learn now, i have an exam tomorrow, keep fingers crossed for me. And i will write you probably tomorrow in the evening. Good night.
Hi Gabi.
However the exam goes, it is perfect.
We have agendas, but those agendas are just ours, not divine, not the purpose of life.
You will be at your best tomorrow, at the exam.
Free from fear of failure. Totally focused on the task.
Free from distraction of thought we can see the answer easily.
This thought came to my mind to share: Last time when i went away (abroad) was, when i “escaped” from my parents in ’96, they were a big pressure on me and restricting me in everything.
Ok, I will reply tonight at 11 pm Swedish time. We are 6 hours ahead of US time.
I have been in your situation recently, so I may have some rather useful things to say
I am in Budapest, i think we are same time zone
have a nice day!
Fell asleep.. Tomorrow…
Well, it did not went well, but i am not surprised i did not practise a lot for it.
I am learning nail arts, and some parts are easy, some seems do not go well. I was stressed and the negative thoughts were there, i got the feeling the woman who was judging she put a spot on me (i knew this is my mind telling me, but still i believed it) and felt till the end of the exam embarrassment.
I did not sleep well either (but this is nothing new, i am not sleeping well for 2 years already, luckily now at least i sleep 5 hours in a row, it was worst after the birth (1-2 hours).
You asked me about my fears, i am fed up with explaining and talking around what my “problems” are, but i still do it, because i am trying to find a person who will understand me and guide me, i am not capable to do this alone.
I have here my son, i took him, because i thought thats the best for him, still as i told you i have fears that if i give up everything and loose everything in the material world, what will happen to him, yes, he has a father and grandparents, but is this really the experience he will need. He is so georgeus and lovely baby. And what will happen if he wont be with me, because i will not be able to raise him.
Now i am in a situation that i have this job, which is so tiring for me and i am so not interested, but it was always good payed (i used to lead a multinational company) and i should take back the position from 1st of June. Since i am alone with Philip (son) i am thinking whether he should go to kindergarden of to have a babysitter beside him for the case i go back to work, but on the other hand i think i do not want to do that job anymore, but how and from what we are going to live. Is it really good decision for him to go to kindergarden. What am i going to do, if i decide not to go back to work, but i send him to kindergarden, someone has to pay for that.
He will be taken from me? I had 2 babysitters till now, i was paying for them, but actually i do not know why, The 2nd is still working for me, but i am feeling often that i do not like her anymore, and i do not know if this is because i am reflecting myself, or i have too much expectations or because its normal that i do not like her, so i shall change.
I am renting now a flat which i will not be able to pay if i do not work.
I started to learn nail arts, i thought this maybe will be what will help me in some way, but i am not sure anymore if it was a good decision.
I see now how i am feeding my ego, while i am writing you my complains.
I read so many books from different enlighteneds, but it only confused me, i often have the feeling it would be better if i did not read anything and remained unconscious.
I do not know whot to talk to, because i have the feeling if i say anything about myself, i will only talk about my problems and anyway my ego will not allow to accept any advice, because the person i am talking to is also unconscious.
For the weekends my son is at my husbands place, today i told him i am not going to meet them because i am tired, which is so, but as you see i am not resting, but complaining here and asking for advice, but i know its because i want to be free. I know i should release the wanting, i do not know how.
I started to practise watching my thoughts, but i got lost, actually from the lot knowledge i do not know anymore what to practise. I have the feeling i am just sitting on the internet and watching videos of Mooji, like looking for some new help for my “problems” and my life is passing by.
Trust you gut about the babysitter you don’t trust.
Then… Take a walk, or look out through the window. See the trees. See the ground.
Look!
What is this?
This is IT.
This is ALL THERE IS.
This is real. The ultimate reality. Universe.
And you live in it an can see it.
For a while.
You really think doing something for what you have no will, motivation is ok? I get sick when they ask me to make something. I dont say i hate my job, i have no interest in it, but if i would leave it my financial situation would be the trouble (rent etc..)…
If you can’t stand the situation, then remove yourself from it. If you choose to stay, then accept it fully.
What should i do, i cannot sit and wait that something will happen to us.
I need to take care of my son.
My collegues are chasing me that i shall go to office to work more often (i am in home-office), last time when i was there it was ok to be with them, but the work…it did not really made me interested in it.
What should i do with positive or negative thougts, shall i ignore every thought, how???
Go to your work. Do it, but…. but be open to “what is” to tell you what is right.
Don’t take things so seriously.
Nothing is important in the way we think.
The most important thing is to become alive.
The rest will be ok with a normal effort, that does not have to feel like an effort even.
How not to believe in thoughts, good or bad… Well, they are not true. If you see that, believing them will be hard.
So, just accept, they are not true.
Then ignore them.
Do i need to make decisions, if not, because anyway everything will happen as it should happen, why still we have the feeling we have to make decisions, how to move on in the world?
If you understand that you don’t have to make decisions – then you don’t have to…
If you believe you have to make decisions, but don’t make them, then you will blame your self.
We never make relevant decisions. They are allready made before our thought takes credit or blame for them.
If you see this, it will feel better.
You – are not doing it.
If you don’t know what to do, trust you gut-feeling. Or don’t do anything.
When you get enlightened, or whatever we should call it, you see that it doesn’t matter what job you have. You don’t have to hate your current job.
It’s only in your mind.
I recommend you continue to do this job for a while, and save money.
To get enlightened is soo easy. Still it seems it never happens. I only know of 5 people in this country. Or actually, maybe there is just a couple. So, seeing that thoughts is not true, is step one. Thoughts are stories. Resistence to a job is belief.
Resistence to pain is belief. To boredom. To hunger.
When awakened we don’t have those problems.
When we are truely fed up… then we are open to see that this is just what it is. The rest is illusion.
ON THIS: “We never make relevant decisions. They are allready made before our thought takes credit or blame for them.” My mind immediately reacted, so what should i do if my collegue calles me, if i completed some work, often i hear myself telling i should quit this job. What should i say if my husband says if i have called some of the kindergardens to check if they have place for Philip, shall i cancell the babysitter and not spend money for her, how long can i stay at home being inactive?
You should not stay at home. Not be inactive.
Go back to life, but don’t belive in your own fear, or your own resistance towards situations.
That is just a result of believing ones own thoughts.
I wish you luck.
Be strong and fearless.
Be kind.
Mooji is good. Also Tony Parsons. And Shinzen Young.
But walking. Looking Is the best.
Breathing. Accepting. Forgiving your self and others.
I read further: “If you don’t know what to do, trust you gut-feeling. Or don’t do anything.” The last 2 days when my collegue called me i did not pick up the phone, i did not wanted to start explaining how i have no energy to do something and also no will.
No will, no fear, no pain, no hatred, no exclusive love, no dreams, that is me.
But no will means depression according to doctors.
Of course, doctors are not open to the concept of enlightenment or personal metamorphosis.
I can not tell you what to do, but, I was depressed and became happy by not believing in thoughts anymore.
Be kind on yourself. Forgive yourself, you have to.
Aceept.
Things are the way they are. Who knows what is good or bad.
And for whom.
Good!
i see all your advices and i know they are true, but i am occupied now to remember all of them…my mind will blow (what a luck that would be)
)
Just accept everything as it is. It is actually.the way it is, so, it is the way it should be.
We all have agendas.
There is something more to life than our agendas
To be a part of life we have to be one with it, not fight it.
Our feeling in a situation is just a pointer to our unsolved aggressions or fears etc. So our feeling is adequate. We have the feeling we need to have to grow as people.
See the feeling and learn.
Don’t believe the feeling.
Don’t connect feeling and thought.
See both.
You are neither.
You are that which sees that which is.
Consciousness seeing universe.
And they (you) are not separated from eachother.
Ponder on all of this.
See the universe under your feet.
It’s a miracle that we are alive.
That we can see this.
What a gift.
This is it.
All there is.
Acceptance and surrender is what is important.
Don’t ever judge yourself. You are doing what you can.
We don’t really have a choice.
Forgive yourself, and forgive everyone.
Smile. There are never any problems in the Now.
And the Now is all there is and ever were.
Don’t try to remember.
Just forget everything you know.
Just give up.
Give up and accept everything
The future for humans is not up to you.
But, if you can accept everything, then you will actually make a difference.
Just give up.
Don’t belive your mind.
Don’t believe any thought.
Like free falling.
Scary.
And peaceful.
Giving up. We don’t know how.
So, just do it.
Accept.
Everything.
Everything.
You say: I am homeless, unemployed, and enjoying every moment. What do you live from? Does it mean you are on the street? You have no incomes? ..but you don’t have a child to take care of materialy.
I am a student. I borrow money from the government, to pay back after finished studies. My son lives with me every second week. 50% with me, 50% with the mother. He is 4 years old.
We don’t live on the street. Sweden is cold, we would freeze to death. I don’t mind much on my part, but I try to make chooses that benefits my son. This is hard to know, what conscious choises is good for him. But until he get to choose for him self I will support him with food and housing, if possible.
I rent a space unlawfully, in a really trashy suburb. I look forward to warmer temperatures, when we can go biking and bathing
I have a fetish for the sun I guess.
I often have pains in my shoulder, sometimes on my chest, usually its because of some thought, but sometimes i dont even see the thought, in these cases i do not know how to act, as far as i remember E. Tolle said i should accept this pain and sooner or later it will burn out, i do not know if i understood him well and if i am doing it right.
I am writing as i am remembering things…(too much past, i know, but as you see i only “know” this), what i did wrong with my son (guilt) and what am i doing with “my” family – husband and son. I do not know why i sometime have the feeling i just want to hug my husband when i meet him, but usually he misunderstand me, he thinks this is a sign i want him back, actually i just wanted to hug him to say i am sorry, i tell him usually that this is not what he would like to have, this is only a hug of compassion. I do not know how i stopped loving him in a way i loved him. I know we did lot of mistakes and i am afraid that i won’t love him in a way he would love or even sometimes as i would love it would have happened.
I do not know when i am allowed to cry, when i should not, when is only my ego that makes me cry.
I do not know when i am reacting of anger and when is normal to be angry.
I cry each day for the last 19 months, and i have the feeling i could do it all day all night, often when i am speaking about my problems, like now.
It’s hard when you have noone to speak to about these things honestly.
If you have pain in your body, and are able to focus on it, feel it totally – then it will go away almost instantly.
The same with thoughts… They go away sooner or later. Immediately, if you see them clearly. But don’t believe them.
Just see them. You won’t die. Just see the pain. The fear.
And notice, how the pain goes away almost in the same moment you focus on it.
Usually it gets harder…
Well, u cannot say anymore that noone comments here (maybe you would like to withdraw now this statement)
))
Actually, I thought people would find these observations contradictory, and was eager to explain how it could be this way. But noone commented, until recently
Love is all there is, but not exclusive love. Since love is all there is. Few people have seen love, and no individuals have seen it.
It works. Try it.
I never get angry, like Tolle. I used to be angry all the time Day and night. Constantly almost. Sick.. he he
You do not live in the same town as your ex-wife?
We never thought about living my son 50% with me and 50% with my husband. Even so, i dont know what would i do with myself, now when i cannot decide what i want in my life.
How can you rent unlawfully a house, you could not do that here. Luckily you live in a country that supports you?
There is not much support in this country.
I have to pay high rent because I am not allowed to rent legally, because I once payed a bill too late.
I live in the same town as my ex wife.
He goes to same kindergarten all the time.
I can’t see how this is very relevant though.
Acceptance is the key.
Accepting life as it is – that – will make you free. Now! Yes, now!
In Sweden most parents get divorsed, and most couples share custody, 50%, and if one parent does not want to share custody, but want the child on their own, they actually risk loosing custody.
I think both parents are equally important. I love my son. He is pincing me in the face right now
I asked because we never thought about such option with my husband (50-50%) and he said he is sorry that he is not waking beside Philip in the mornings and i know this is hard for my husband, he is with him only for weekends, although even then he (my husband) wants me also to be there
. He cannot understand that i do not want to be with them together. I want to have my free time. On the other hand on weekdays he works till 6 pm, so anyway he is seeing him only for few hours in the evenings, usually he comes by for an hour to my place.
My son often rejects him, when i am in the near.
The rejection will pass if they spend time together. My son rejected his mother until we separated. Now he seem to like her more than me. Which is good.
Can’t he quit job one hour earlier or two. Then he can pick up your son and feed him, and then take him to kindergarten in the morning.
We have a schedule, Monday till Monday, then we change an he stays with the other parent. When he gets older he may choose for him self or stay longer periods by each parent.
thanks for the chat and support i leave you a bit
have a nice evening
Good morning, do i have to accept the fact that i wake up after 5-6 hours of sleeping and i cannot fall a sleep, i close my eyes and my thoughts are coming up about anything and when i want to ignore them they are even more pushy…i have this feeling… then i start to feel a kind of small pain, and my mind is like a crowded bus station, i also noticed this “pain” goes immediately away if i start doing something else, however i have the feeling i am not resolving my pain or fear, just putting on a side…or?
Notice the vanishing of pain. Google “vanishings shinzen young” to learn more.
I do not know how not to believe my thoughts, on the other hand i know this is not about knowing…
How can you believe them?Do you believe a notorious lying person?
Not one thingind says is true.
Belive mind if you can..
i keep this in my mind
Please, not in your mind.:-) in your heart maybe. We actually don’t need our mind. We become autonomic spiritual beeings when we stop believing our mind.
Don’t belive what I say.
Don’t belive anything that your heart does not claim to be true.
Then… you will actually only believe your self, and that is not belief, that is seeing-knowing…
I had such big fight with my husband in front of my son
((. Our son was with him since yesterday and it was agreed he will bring him back after lunch before afternoon sleeping and actually i had no such plans for today, but they were not coming home even after half past 2, so i called him whats happening, he noted Philip already slept, so they will come soon. I was angry, because i thought he will bring Philip home for sleeping and still i will have 2 hours in the afternoon free, but this way i could forget it. Am i asking too much of my husband? I was very angry because he could have let me know, i was yes sitting here and doing nothing, but still those 2 hours i would appreciate to have in the afternoon for myself. He said he did not wanted to interrupt me, thats why he did not call. My problem is that when i asked him to tell me when i can expect them he said after lunch, and it turned out totaly different, but he did not note me and even said why i havent called earlier to talk and ask. Was i really expecting a lot? Of course, as always i am getting now punches i was never good enough for you and i am always full of expectations against him, when i need something he always helps me, and this is true, but i would do the same for him, and anyway nobody asks me during the weekdays what i want to do.
He feels that i do not really like when he is here, i dont feel always comfortable and that i am pushing him away, which is really often so, but its because i got so fed up with some things i guess….
My honest answer is that he is no longer your husband. He is a human beeing that has no obligations towards you at all.
I know you dont like to hear this, but since you ask me I will tell you the truth.
A normal relationship between a man and a woman, is actually not based upon love. It is based upon a mutual agreement of exploitation.
You do this for me and I do this for you…etc Or, “You love me and I will love yoy”, you say nice things to me and I say nice things to you.” “You make me feel safe and I will make you feel proud and masculine”.
There is no love in that.
That is not love, and not beautiful.
That about relationships…
Enlightened people have other kinds of relationships. Based on non exclusive love. That is real love. Actual caring.
I dont think you should expect anything from him, your ex husband. Not demand anything. When he takes care of your son you should not interfere or even have an opinion about his way to handle situations.
I think you need to accept the situation as it is. Accept your ex husband as he is. Accept that things dont goes according to your agenda all the time, or even any time.
Accept the truth that an agenda, or a wish, is just a personal egoistic belief, in order to fulfill the needs of the ego.
If you want to be free, you should actually surrender.
There is no other way.
Forgive yourself for everything, and stop acting out of the needs of your mind.
You are not your mind.
…
It sounds hard but truth can hurt sometimes.
Hope you dont take offence. I dont mean any harm.
Hi, and i will now explain/ maybe trying to defend myself (or my ego is doing it). Yes, i did not like what you wrote, but this is what is and pls reply on the words i am writing now freely.
When i left him, he was coming back to me and still he expects on the weekends that we have a joint programmes, He does not want to accept that i do not want to have joint programme with him. When i finish in the afternoons the school he mails me that i should come there and there to meet them for few hours and then they go home for sleeping and next day he returns our son. To have me back he is doing anything to please me, he wants to do things right, because he feels bad. I dont want him to make things for me, although its true i ask him for a help for our son on weekends when i am in a school, and he does it without excuse, but he can count on me for the same while he is in a school on weekend, but i do not want to have common programme with him. I am happy to see him sometimes, but not all the time, its like i did not move out. He comes everyday after job to visit the baby for an hour, and then he leaves, and sometimes this goes on my nerves, but sometimes i feel bad when he is leaving, i feel sorry for him and there is a strange squeezing feeling in the chest.
You dont have to see him.
Since your child is so little, you are the parent he needs most now. But later, in a year from now, or two years, he can live with his father also, same amount of time. Then you will have lots of free time to do things you like.
For now, you have to see him sometimes, but you dont have to spend time with him. If that makes you feel bad. You have the right to live any way you want you know.
I dont want to give too many advice in this, since my advice may affect your lifes.
But you have the right to shape your life any way you want.
Just remember that.
I know it hurts him the most that he feels he cannot have me back and i am sorry that i cannot give him what he needs, but i cant anymore. I really thought it would be the best to be far from him, but then our son would suffer it. Ok, whatever, i am happy to hear that i shall not feel bad, because i do not want to be with them, its just hard to handle in reality when i have to face him with this, because then i get from him: why are u pushing me away all the time and dont want to talk to me…
honestly, i have no clue, why is it so, its only i dont have the need…
Good. Be honest. To your self. And maybe toward others, but not nessecarily.
Trust your gut.
Yeah, i know, i am quite – i read sometjhing and i stick to it”, but i am happy to see that you wrote that i dont owe him nothing for the things he does. I
Thats right.
You dont owe anyone anything.
Some people will say that you do, or should, but they are wrong.
They have the liberty to act anyway they choose, but they can not expect things in return.
Because, if they expect things in return, then it is not actually love.
It is fear or need or something. Not love.
Love is unconditional. Allways.
Last time when we agreed him to bring back after lunch, he brought him before, because he thought, the baby will fall asleep in the car and then we can move him into the bed, but actualy what happend he woke up after 5 min sleeping and the whole afternoon i could not study. I know this whole sounds ugly, like we are playing table tennis with our baby, but i know we both love our son, i only dont understand,
what should i do different, or what shall i communicate different…
Accept all things and situations life brings you, as if you had choosen them. Even children screaming all night, ex-husbands messing up… everyting!
probably i am not clear enough…and i know i cannot control things, but is this also something i have to accept?
Accept everything, if you want to be happy.
If you dont… then you will always BELIEVE that things are not the way they should.
But they are.
Your agenda may disagree… but thats just one out of 4 billion agendas.
God doesnt care. “What is” as I call it, does not care about agendas.
What is, IS
the worst is that he keeps coming back that he is doing so many things for me and i am pushing him more and more away
You dont owe him anything. Ok?
You should understand this.
He has to solve his own issues. You have to solve yours.
If you were honest, you should not have feelings of guilt.
He should have the chance to raise his child as much as you have though, thats my opinion. But I dont know for sure, maybe he doesnt want to, but most people want to be with their kids.
If you accept life as it is, most things will solv themselves. I am absolutely sure about that.
After I saw “what is” and accepted everything, there were no problems anymore, between me and my ex.
End of all trouble. That is good for our son…..
The “problem” is he loves our son much, i have lot of times guilt that he loves him more then i can ever show, he really wanted to have a baby (from my side it was only a decision when i got pregnant, i wanted to run away from my stressed job
after the birth i left them once and its bad because often i have the thought it would be better if our son would live with him, so this is not the case, he would like to be more with him, but not only with him, but with both of us…
(((
Today and often i realise when the time comes that he is bringing him back home to me i get nervous like i am getting restricted in something.
It takes time these matters. Things will solve themselves.
If you take responsibility for your own well beeing, that is the best thing that can happen.
Really.
By that you act in a way that is good for everyone around you.
Good for your son, good for your ex-husband, good for humanity actually.
Just stop believing in thoughts, that is all it takes.
sorry
you should delete my posts
No, please…. dont feel bad about things. Accept YOURSELF and everything else, just the way they are.
You are perfect.
You and everyone, are just the way you have to be, because you are this way. So, this is how things are.
Dont blame yourself or anyone else.
Just think about this, is it so hard to accept everything?
Why live in fear of not being able to continue to live in fear.
There is a possibility to be happy. NOW!
In this very moment!
Maybe you dont believe me, but just admit that there is a possibility, that it may be so.
And all you have to do is this: See clearly, that THIS (everything) is all there is. And also see, that YOU are seeing this.
Stop believeing things. Just see. See what is.
Dont believe in your thoughts…..
i often have a fight with my husband in my head, and i really know to get angry at him in a minute…
Hi, i guess you got tired of explaining, i keep coming back as there are so many doubts in me, even if these are thoughts i want to get confirmations that these are also only my thougths. Everytime my husband leaves us or my son says: dad (when he is not here) i have a strange feeling in my heart, a squeezing and immediately i feel bad and i do not know how to handle it. I do not know when can i allow myself to feel sad, what is sadness and not a feeling of guilt? What is anger and not a fuming? Is it enough that i tell to myself, this all situation will pass or here is my ego telling it? I should study but instead i am hanging on the net all the time, but nobody will learn the things instead of me, if i want to pass the exam, i should learn and not rely on life to solve…
another thing i mentioned, i am in a “fight” with my parents, but i have the feeling i must get back to them, as i need help with my son…i dont know if to leave pride on side, even they hurt me…but i also know i am not angry at them, even they were unfair so many times with me…
sorry
Thanks for your reply…i realised i am jelaous on my husband
(( i do not know why am i doing this, i was the one who have dropped him away…
Ok Gabi… All the answers I have, I have allready given you, But we have to find the answers ourself. I wish you luck with this. Take care, be happy!